she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
