You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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