I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
