Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
