New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
