I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
