I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
