I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
