Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
