you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
