fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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