Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
