She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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