I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
