Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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