just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
