Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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