I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
