Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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