i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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