No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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