If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
