I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
