Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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