I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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