theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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