it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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