If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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