i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
