EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
