I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
