ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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