Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
