he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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