mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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