You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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