My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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