Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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