I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
