remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
