I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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