Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
