We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
