On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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