Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
