So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
