ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
