I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
