She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
