i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
