I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
is that a dick in a sweater?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
