do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
