So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
